20 March 2006

If I had a million dollars (Optimistic Edition)

I was told by Pelf that my previous entry, If I had a million dollars, was a bit pessimistic. I read the entry again, and yeah, I'd agree it could be brighter.

So here I am ... fantasizing about my spending my million dollars ...

- Again, it's gotta be one million US mullahs. Else we're not even gonna dream very long.

- First off, I'm buying myself a Datuk-ship. That will instantly pave the way for me to be appointed to the Board of Director in some company, where they pay me tonnes of money for very little work in return.

- With my financial future secured, I'll leave it all behind and travel around the world. First class, no more backpacking.

- First stop is Shanghai, where I would use my datukship to open new factories in China with some local joint-venture. My factories make branded sports shoes, which are sold to Malaysians at 10 times the cost price =)

- At the same time, I would open a call center outsourcing company in India, in Bombay (Mumbai). I'll hire english speaking Indians for a fraction of the cost and run a tech help desk for large MNCs in India.

- Because I'm so filthy rich after my factory and outsourcing ventures, half of all the Shanghai women and all the Bollywood actresses were knocking down my door. Not able to stand such pressure, I sold off my factories and outsourcing company for a handsome profit, and flew off to Korea.

- In Korea, I met and fell in love with a doctorate student. We got married after a brief courtship, and I started a nasi lemak franchise in Korea that made me even richer.

- Mrs Moz Monster discovered an effective, permanent weight lost medication that had no side effects, except it gave dark skin a fairer complexion. Soon, we both became the richest people in Asia.

- My nasi lemak franchise was bought over by McDonald's, and I was made a director there. We moved to US of A.

- The Missus' miracle medication became the hit product of the 21st century - and after a while we became like one of the top ten richest people on earth.

- We moved into Warren Buffet's neighbourhood, and also became friends with Bill Gates. Warren was impressed with my business savvy and decided to teach me everything he knows about investing. As a fast learner, I took to investing like a duck taking to the water.

- Bill got impressed by my technical skills that I have acquired through my years working in Malaysia. Thinking that all Malaysians would be this good, he decided to move many of his technical support centers from India to Malaysia. Just like that, Moz create 20,000 new jobs in Malaysia.

- Moz gets Tan Sri-ship due to 20,000 new jobs.

- By then, the world was ripe for another economic crisis. But no worries, Moz, having learnt all of Warren's investment savvy, was able to make money from the crisis, and emerged richer still.

- Soon, Mr and Mrs Moz became the richest people in the world. Moz would buy all the oil wells in the Middle East, and Mrs. Moz all the oil wells in South America. Our child Small Moz would buy the rest of the oil wells. Now the Moz family has an oil monopoly all over the world.

- Moz, now controlling all the oil wealth in the world, decided to subsidise all petrol sold in Malaysia ... you, the lucky rakyat, pay only RM 1 per liter. Suddenly, RM1.80 noddles, RM0.50 milo and RM0.45 teh tarik became available again to the suffering people.

- Now with a all the world's oil under my control, I would negotiate an end to all the terrorist activities. US soldiers pack up and leave wherever they were occupying. Al Qaeda starts to run community programs, such as Industri Keropok Desa. Israel and Palestine recognized each other and decided to live together in peace.

- Eventually, the planet was called Mozilla (Muzillah in Malay) instead of Earth.

Happy, pelf? =)

- Oh, yes. I'd adopt all the terrapins in the world too who aren't adopted already. =)

I still think the pessimistic version is funnier.


angel said...


i like this betta! LOL!!!

may u strike the jackpot soon! ;)

pelf said...

This is BETTER la :) Because you NOT only thought for yourself, you had the rakyat in your heart too, kakakaka :)

And BTW, I thought Datuk-ship is higher than Tan Sri-ship?! Why would you still want a Tan Sri-ship when you alread have a Datuk-ship?

Aargghh, nevermind me.

Che-Cheh said...

I think the first one is better. Nevertheless I like the part where Al Qaeda run programs like Industri Keropok Desa. Hahahaha

Sheena said...

As I was reading, I started wondering where the bit about buying a small 3rd-world nation'd come in (Mozillaysia?), THEN, I read the Mozilla Earth bit...

I like everything else except that. I mean, can you imagine?

Aliens: Take me to your leader, Mozilling!


Human desperately explaining to aliens: There are no Godzillas here! The planet is called MOzilla! And no, there are no monsters here, either!

I liked the bit about the terrapins, though. So cute! You could rename them Mozzipins - That has a nice ring to it.

Sheena said...

Hey, you forgot to mention buying an honorary Ph.D. That'd make you Datuk Tan Sri DR. Moz.

Btw, there's this book written by an Indian tech-support chap. In his book, his bosses at the call-centre tell them: The mind of an adult American is equal to that of a 10-yr old Indian.


In fact, I think that's the title of the book.

moz monster said...

angel: =)

pelf: No, Tan Sris are higher. It's Datuk -> Datuk Sri -> Tan Sri -> Tun. Of course, there are maybe a gazillion different titles in between, but that's the general idea.

che-cheh: Yes, and the Taliban would then sell Ramly burger from their burqa decorated stalls.

sheena: Mozzipins !!! LOL !!! ROTFLMAO !! Imagine ... Mozzirafes ... Mozziphants ... =)