12 February 2006

Top Ten Signs You're Working In A Lousy Place

Recently, the mood in my office lifted a little. Despite the still looming challenges and the obvious shortage of manpower, I think we've turned the corner, and things will only look up. He left. Resigned. Quit. Our colleague from hell left us.

What was so bad about this guy, you ask? Not wanting to make a demon out of him, I'd just say he didn't fit in, his character created a lot of tension and his ego prevented him from owning up and moving on. I know a few people who're just about to enter the working stage of their life - to them I'd say - keep a healthy attitude, be people friendly, and always be humble. I learnt plenty speaking to tea ladies and receptionists.

In keeping with the working theme, here's a Top Ten list for those who're just about to enter the working world. For some people, joining the work force can be daunting. It's one thing scrambling to meet your assignment deadlines in uni and college, it's another thing scrambling to meet 63 work deadlines, attend 4 boring meetings, sit in 2 presentations, make coffee for the boss, reply all your 106 emails and answer all 56 voicemails all in one day. So, it's not always clear to some people once they work whether they have found their true calling in life, or if they're working in a hell hole but are just too busy to notice it.

Keep it handy in case you need to confirm your hunch that you're working in the wrong place.

  1. Coming late to work means you have to do the nude squat.
  2. The office intercomm is really just two condensed milk tins and a piece of string.
  3. The tea lady keeps serving you Tongkat Ali tonics. Or Guiness Stout with raw eggs.
  4. To save money on pens and ink, you're asked to sign your documents with blood from your own finger.
  5. Missed a deadline? Get your head shaved bald.
  6. The company uniform is made entirely from McDonald's take away paper bags.
  7. To get the toilet key, you have to compete in an episode of Fear Factor Malaysia and win.
  8. When you ask about your company car and your salary, your boss said "I burn to you already why" ...
  9. The company trip this year is to the Hospital Bahagia in Tanjung Rambutan.
  10. This year's bonus is whatever leftover you can tar pow (pack home) from Moz Monster's Chinese New Year Open House.
Heck, I'm even throwing some extras this time around ...
  • The boss installed CCTV inside the washrooms to make sure no one's sneaking off the job.
  • Your lunch time starts at 12:00 pm and ends at 12:08 pm.
  • The office stopped purchasing toilet paper, and is now using recycled paper from the printer and photocopy machine.
  • To save costs, all office chairs have been sold off, so everyone is encouraged to squat on the job.
  • Due to some Feng Shui requirements, your cubicle is located in the middle of the toilet. Due to same Feng Shui requirements, toilet cannot be cleaned.
  • Your boss is George W.
So, folks, if you've been seeing those signs, better polish up the CV and be on the lookout. You have been warned.

Anyone has any other signs you're working in a lousy place?


angel said...

*pops champagne*


moz monster said...

angel: there'll be no celebration. it was long due, and we have to put our heads down, and concentrate on the task ahead.

it's just that a distraction is removed. i'll allow myself a little shot of vodka =)

cheng sim said...

i love this post!
very funny.
i love it =)

moz monster said...

cheng sim: thanks !!! drop by more often =)