14 February 2006

Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Valentine's Dinner (for him)

So you've gathered the couraged, put aside the battering your pride might take if she says no. You struck up a conversation, you found an opening to ask her out, and she agreed.

You're on. You have a date on Valentine's. You ate nothing but Nasi Lemak with Ikan Bilis and drink only tap water from the nearby car wash. You stopped buying newspaper since January. All so that you have enough money to buy her a lavish, romantic dinner.

So, what could go wrong? Plenty, man. Plenty. In case you're too smitten to notice you're in a really bad dinner, here's Top Ten signs you're at a really bad Valentine's dinner:

  1. She turns up for your date with her husband, the local gangster boss.
  2. She hasn't turned up from her toilet break. Two and a half hours ago.
  3. Every 5 minutes, she stands up, turns around, and asks "So, do these make my butt look fat?"
  4. She keeps comparing you to her US$46 billion husband.
  5. She wasn't feeling well, so she sent her mother instead. But hey, at least you get a free ride home.
  6. While waiting for the food to arrive, she started a discussion on how you should alter your shower routine to clean yourself properly. Hey .... how the heck did she know your shower routine ?
  7. You go down on your knees and presents her with a diamond ring. And she eats it. And tells you it's delicious, but a little hard.
  8. Everytime you whisper her a promise or tells her what you want to do with her, she calls her attorney, and asks him to record it.
  9. She turns up for the date in her Tae Kwan Do black belt outfit. And a nanchaku.
  10. Starts teling you all about her sexual history after the second glass of wine.
Happy Valentine's Day!!! Hope you'll have a good time. Read the Her post too =)


Justin Wong said...

Hahah... good stuff, I like the gangster boss one.

By the way, with your permission, I would like to add your feeds to my syndication. See it at:


If you do not wish to be a part of it, pls email me at justinwongkh@hotmail.com
Majulah blogging untuk Malaysia

cheng sim said...

man, ur funny.
how can you actually come up with this stuff?

moz monster said...

Justin: Thanks for dropping by. Er ... Majulah perikanan untuk Malaysia !?

cs: I kidnapped all the scriptwriters from Friends and Everybody Loves Raymond, and put them in my basement ;)