11 February 2006

He says, she says

From the archives of Moz Monster ... some years back, on this very same day ...

When people say that men are from Mars, and women from Venus, the truth is not very far off. It's often a wonder how we can even get together, knowing all the differences. Maybe that's why sex exists, and many of us, are like, so into it. God probably made some mistakes, had to find a way to see to it that his two creations will get along, by hook or by crook. *Hey, remember, it's all in good humor here ... don't take this as me being insulting to anyone's higher power*

It's sometimes a surprise to me how it is that language hasn't evolved in such a way that we don't have one set for women and one for men. Oh ... you'll still need one set for them to communicate, huh?

I always tell myself it's not very possible to tell when a girl says no, if she really means no, or she's trying to say yes in a nicer way. Or if she says yes, but she really means yes instead of no instead. Like any male can.

Here's one conversation I'm recalling from a previous episode in my life. One that had a particularly sad ending :(

Moz says "It's your birthday next week. You have anything in mind?"
She must have heard Moz saying "I remember it's your birthday next week. I hope you haven't already made any plans?"
Moz really meant to say "It's your birthday next week. You have anything in mind?"

She says "Oh, nothing in particular."
Moz heard her saying "Oh, nothing in particular."
She
really probably meant to say "I don't have anything in mind. But you better do."

Moz says "Really? You don't have plans or any place you wanna celebrate?"
She must have heard Moz saying "Aiks? That means you wanna ask me out izzit?"
Moz really meant to say "Really? You don't have plans or any place you wanna celebrate?"

She says "No. It's nothing special, just getting one year older ..."
Moz heard her saying "No. It's nothing special, just getting one year older ..."
She really probably meant to say "No. No one asked me out yet. Eh, quickly ask la ..."

Moz says "In that case, maybe we can do dinner, then?"
She must have heard Moz saying "Ah ... so this man have some intelligence. And taste ... dinner. Good idea"
Moz really meant to say "In that case, maybe we can do dinner, then?"

She says "Ok. But no need to be fancy la ..."
Moz heard her saying "Ok. But no need to be fancy la ..."
She really probably meant to say "Ok. Please decline my offer to have a simple dinner, and propose instead to spend lavishly on me"

Moz says "No kidding!! It's your birthday, let's make it a night to remember"
She must have heard Moz saying "I know what to do one. Your birthday mah, sure I won't spare any expense one"
Moz really meant to say "No kidding!! It's your birthday, let's make it a night to remember"

She says "Aiya, no need la ... no need to be fancy fancy la. It's the thought that matters"
Moz heard her saying "Aiya, no need la ... no need to be fancy fancy la. It's the thought that matters"
She really probably meant to say "You're smart! Yes, I want it lavish. But ... I'm a woman, need to be more ladylike ... "

Moz says "Well, don't worry about it. I'm bring you somewhere decent."
She must have heard Moz saying "I know what to do. Leave it to me."
Moz really meant to say "Well, don't worry about it. I'm bring you somewhere decent."

** One Week Later **

She screamed "YOU CALL THIS DECENT?? WHAT AM I TO YOU??"
She
really probably meant to say "You cheap bastard. Nasi Lemak? Nasi Lemak? My birthday dinner, and all you have to show is a Nasi Lemak? ElCheapoUselessPrickNoWonderYoureStillVirginShitlessAss"

Moz squeks "... but ... but ... what's wrong with the Nasi Lemak here? Best in Puchong ..."
*Bloddy embarassed by the commotion, and trying my best to smile in the face of adversity ...*

She calms down, "Take me home. I'm not feeling well ..."

** Many years later .. fast forward today **

I have not heard from her since ... =( ... I'm wondering what happened to her.

I really couldn't tell if I was wrong for not actually reading her mind, or if I was too naive to understand the body language of a woman. Probably a bit of both ... *sigh*

That my dear, was the moment I turned from a boy to a man. Since that moment, my lifelong struggle to understand woman has ended in bewilderment, more questions than answers and simply nowhere closer to the truth.

I think I've gotten closer to understanding woman, but everytime I think I've nailed it, something comes along, smacks me in the face, and tells me I'm waaay off.

I suspect it has to do with me not understanding language the way it is meant to be understood.

7 comments:

angel said...

poor poor mozzie...

u should read the book Men R Fr. Mars, Women blah blah blah.

oh, if possible, do learn to read minds...will be most helpful in communication with the fairer sex :) i kid u not...

cheng sim said...

hahaha =) good one.
i think by now, u've learned through experience huh?

then again, i think its a bit weird for a guy to asked me out on my birthday and we ended up eating nasi lemak! haha. u shld have told her. wht is she dressed really glammed that day wearing her most expensive dress with the sweetest new earring she bought hours earlier and u bring her to a mamak stall? odd isn't it? i'll be embarassed for sure.

moz monster said...

we were in college then. and she wasn't really dressed up anyways. I later heard thru some friends she wanted KFC instead. Or maybe Swensen's. I think taking her that night to anyplace with aircon would have changed my destiny of becoming a Gregorian Monk =)

Applegal said...

Women's expectations are too high sometimes. It's very easy to demand a lot of things when you're not paying :P

moz monster said...

applegal: *tsk* Does that mean in my current financial state, I'll never ever date anyone again?

Applegal said...

moz monster: Oh, what I meant is that there's no point in trying to fulfill their demands 100%, because they will be almost impossible to achieve ;)

moz monster said...

applegal: I'm shocked. A girl telling the trade secrets .. date me, applegal. ;)