24 April 2006

Top Ten Stupid Things To Say On The Job .

OK ... it's job time !!! I know so many people who're moving into the work force now. Guys and gals, welcome to the real world !! School, college and uni is nothing more than a honey moon.

If you thought that being put to the gun every semester when you're in school is stressful, working simply magnifies it. Pressure is constant.

Sometimes you have bosses who're simply anal. Or colleagues who simply get on your nerves. Or maybe just had a bad day. But whatever it is, somethings are probably not worth saying on the job.

No kidding. Sometimes, even in the heat of the moment, like when your boss insists you are wrong when he actually instructed you to do it wrong in the first place, when keeping your angry words with you help.

Anyways, here's the Top Ten Stupid Things To Say On The Job ...

  • "Sir, I should really tell you that I didn't wash my hands after I went to the toilet because we're short here at the counter and in the kitchen." - Applicable to people working at counter in food outlets.
  • "Look, sir, I know there's a fly in your soup. But let me assure you the fly must have been dead in the first place. We spray Ridsect in our kitchen every 15 minutes to keep the flies out ..."

  • "I don't understand how a fat, balding, lazy loser like you can be my boss ..."
  • "Wei, boss, how come you always come and disturb me sleeping one? Can't you see that people tired one meh?"
  • "I ran out of red ink while finishing your bad ass skull, so I used pink instead ..." - Applicable to the tatoo man.
  • "You mean it smells strange? Oh. Well, I ran out of shampoo, so I used the toilet bowl washer. I read it's got very good germ killing properties." - Please don't let me be on the receiving end of this in a hair saloon
  • "I don't understand why you're so upset with me taking 2 hour long toilet breaks."
  • "The food for the tiger didn't arrive on time, so I moved those rare Timbuktoo Mountain Goats into the Tiger Cage, just in case the tigers got hungry. You don't want the tigers to get hungry, do you?" - Applicable to animal caretakers working in zoos across the world. **Moz says: No tigers, Timbuktoo Mountain Goats or other animals, real or imaginary were harmed in the making of this Top Ten List, ok? OK?**
  • "Wei, boss, you really expect me to do that ah? You pay peanuts, expect monkeys la you ..."
  • "WOW!! Your daughter is ..." - go figure out the rest.


pelf said...


I like the last line!! I can imagine your boss' face when you said that sentence.. Esp when you leave the sentence hanging like that for a couple of seconds..

cheng sim said...

"I ran out of red ink while finishing your bad ass skull, so I used pink instead ..."

bah! that is seriously hilarious!

elan said...

the timbuktoo goat thing shows real initiative though :)
the staff can really spin that for his/her CV.

the daughter thing: "..alert and open to new opportunities.."

moz monster said...

pelf: Haha ... flair for the dramatic. What do you think I would say to complete that sentence ... ?

cheng sim: I'm thinking a bike gang fella' all rippling with muscle and looking mean (think Paul Teutul from American Chopper) - with a pink color tatoo. LMAO !!!

elan: I'm thinking the zoo warden might chuck the fella into the tiger cage if the Timbuktoo Mountain Goats get eaten up.

Che-Cheh said...

huh I don't dare to say anything to make my boss angry la. Yet I don't polish my shoe with them la.

moz monster said...

che-cheh: Sometimes, it's the innocent things said that blows up in our faces.

I was speaking to my ex-boss ... "I drop my pens very often when I speak to Ms. XYZ."

He thought I said ... "I drop my pants very often " ... damn ...

Che-Cheh said...