17 January 2006

Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Chinese New Year Open House

Chinese New Year time is a time for merry making, eating mandarin oranges, tossing yu sang and the time honored malaysian tradition of open houses.

Most of us must have been to at least 1 or 2 of those open houses where we're thinking ... "What the hell am I doing here ?"

In case we have people who've been living in a well or under a coconut shell, here are the Top Ten Signs You've At a Bad Chinese New Year Open House ...

  1. They are out of Mandarin Oranges, so this year, they are serving coconuts hoarded for Thaipusam.
  2. They make you sign a form to waiver all responsibility and legal claims against the open house organiser before they let you in.
  3. Instead of tossing yu sang, the guests are busy tossing chairs and mahjong tiles at each other.
  4. There's Black Metal music in the background. And everyone's head banging.
  5. You need to show proof of Hepatitis A, B and C immunization at the entrance.
  6. First, they take a few drops of blood from you, then your hosts insists you drink some blood from the bowl that's being passed around, after you offer prayers to Kwan Kung.
  7. The hosts called you in advance to remind you to bring a photocopy of your IC and RM3 for insurance.
  8. Everyone wishes you Merry Christmas, then sits on your lap and whispers their Christmas wishes to you.
  9. The loser at Chor Tai Tee has to do nude squats.
  10. You're told to make a run for it if you see police coming.
You've been warned now ... hope you have an exit strategy in case you're in one of these. :-)

And there was more I had in the idea pool, but it's a Top Ten list, isn't it ?
  • They're lame dangdut music and the cheap disco ball gave it away.
  • It's hosted by moz monster.
  • They pass you the Dummies Guide to CNY Open House 1 week before you attend.
  • You're not allowed in because your Amway membership had expired.
  • Since they can't find any firecrackers, guests are asked if they have brought any hand grenades or dynamite sticks.
  • The sign outside that requests you to remove your shoes, socks and pants before entering.
I hope you don't run into one of these really bad open houses ... keep some angpow for me ...

Yu Sang = fish salad. Popular Chinese New Year dish in this part of the world
Kwan Kung = a Chinese God.


anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
moz monster said...

anonymous said ... dun let kimberly[deleted] terrorise this world with her [deleted] concave mouth....dun let kimberlycun spread her [deleted] concave mouth genes in this world !!!hahahahahahaha get off from her blogs and let her read her own blogs and see her own [deleted] instead u guys torturing urself with dat fucken damn pukiface concave mouth!!yeah!!!

Shut up, fuck up, and take ur hate campaign elsewhere ...