Chinese New Year time is a time for merry making, eating mandarin oranges, tossing yu sang and the time honored malaysian tradition of open houses.
Most of us must have been to at least 1 or 2 of those open houses where we're thinking ... "What the hell am I doing here ?"
In case we have people who've been living in a well or under a coconut shell, here are the Top Ten Signs You've At a Bad Chinese New Year Open House ...
- They are out of Mandarin Oranges, so this year, they are serving coconuts hoarded for Thaipusam.
- They make you sign a form to waiver all responsibility and legal claims against the open house organiser before they let you in.
- Instead of tossing yu sang, the guests are busy tossing chairs and mahjong tiles at each other.
- There's Black Metal music in the background. And everyone's head banging.
- You need to show proof of Hepatitis A, B and C immunization at the entrance.
- First, they take a few drops of blood from you, then your hosts insists you drink some blood from the bowl that's being passed around, after you offer prayers to Kwan Kung.
- The hosts called you in advance to remind you to bring a photocopy of your IC and RM3 for insurance.
- Everyone wishes you Merry Christmas, then sits on your lap and whispers their Christmas wishes to you.
- The loser at Chor Tai Tee has to do nude squats.
- You're told to make a run for it if you see police coming.
And there was more I had in the idea pool, but it's a Top Ten list, isn't it ?
- They're lame dangdut music and the cheap disco ball gave it away.
- It's hosted by moz monster.
- They pass you the Dummies Guide to CNY Open House 1 week before you attend.
- You're not allowed in because your Amway membership had expired.
- Since they can't find any firecrackers, guests are asked if they have brought any hand grenades or dynamite sticks.
- The sign outside that requests you to remove your shoes, socks and pants before entering.
Yu Sang = fish salad. Popular Chinese New Year dish in this part of the world
Kwan Kung = a Chinese God.