28 September 2006

Top Ten Questions You Should Ask Before You Eat Bread

In the quest to be number one in everything, Malaysian bread manufacturers have discovered how to create the number one long lasting bread in the world - just add up to 5 times more preservatives. Don't take my word for it, there is a news report about the government probing the claims of unsafe levels.

I guess it might be conceivable that with such high amounts of preservatives in our breads, we'll finally solve the problems the Egyptians couldn't solve all those years. No need for secret embalming recipes. Just eat bread.

Now ... you know how this works. In Bolehland, the way to deal with these is to do the contradictory message routine. One ministry will be investigating the claim. Next ministry will strongly deny the claims. Third ministry will advise public to be cautious. And after we, the rakyat gets totally confused, either the problem just dies away, or all the bread manufacturers will be asked to close shop, and a bread monopoly will be created. To safeguard us.

Anyways, in between the time it takes for the tests to be run, you can either stop eating bread altogether, or start a new breakfast toasted wheat biscuit. Or you could do the simple, not guaranteed to work, Top Ten Questions You Should Ask Before You Eat Bread ....

  • It's still healthier eating this bread than gorging on a upsized burger meal, right?
  • Is my wife trying to harm me by making me toasts for breakfast all these years?
  • This could potentially safe my loved ones thousands and thousands in embalming costs, no?
  • How would this bread taste with pickled olives? They're both preserved ...
  • Is this the reason why my local HyperMarket was selling bread loaves at 25 sen each?
  • Wouldn't it be selfish of me to not share most of this bread with my @^*& boss for breakfast?
  • If I smoke, drink and do incessant amounts of ridiculously priced coffee, what's a bit of bread?
  • Wait a minute ... upsized burger meal will kill me faster ... this bread will preserve me ... doesn't that mean they'll cancel each other out?
  • Bread? I thought it's too much preservatives in instant noodles, right?
  • Instead of throwing this bread away, can it be used as rat poison instead?

So, kids, do your tests. Ask yourselves these important questions before you decide to binge on bread. It might be more unhealthier that you initially thought !!!

13 comments:

angel said...

dun eat bread loh... eat tapas :D

Jemima said...

Bake your own bread, no? ;)

Inevitable said...

Ahhh... this cannot that cannot... this life no meaning already

Che-Cheh said...

Wei I eat bread everyday wor. Scare scare now.

moz monster said...

angel: You think everyone also got lots of $$$ like you meh?

jemima: Yeah ... good idea. Any good bread making machines you'd like to recommend?

inevitable: I think the safest thing to do is to drink beer .... and drink wine.

che-cheh: You're back !!! Quick !!! Tell me how was Bangkok ??

Che-Cheh said...

Bangkok is COOL. I would love to visit Bangkok again...if can soooon. Still have a lot of shopping to do. Wuakakaka

Jemima said...

Check out the Panasonic, Kenwood or Breville. ;)

moz monster said...

che-cheh: Hehe ... most ppl coming back from Bangkok say the same thing ... maybe we can organize a bloggers trip ... ?

jemima: Great ... I'll look them up. Thanks loads. Hugs.

Che-Cheh said...

Can can you organize la since you're the more frequent traveller.

moz monster said...

che-cheh: Sure anot ? I plan u must come wor ...

Che-Cheh said...

Sure Moz. I scare monster hentam me...so I come.

Seriously if I can get free/even cheaper Air Asia ticket then I go at the end of next year. Hehehe. A backpacker need to be kiam!

moz monster said...

che-cheh End of next year? Wah ... I imagine cobweb under my armpits liao ... wait so long. Another idea is to go Chiang Mai !!! =) I like !!

Purple said...

I am going for a 1 week survival camp. And something I need to bring is BREAD. But it CAN'T contain ANY AMOUNT of preservatives as my buddy's have some issues with it . . .
Any ideas how else my bunny and I can preserve bread by ourselves without preservatives?