Top Ten Responses to “When Your Turn to Get Married?”

It's Chinese New Year time, which means a lot of makan, yamseng, yu-sang and relatives and friends visiting. Time for merry making, really.

Chinese people do greet people differently. Traditionally, the Chinese way of greeting is to ask "Have you taken your meal yet?" instead of "Howdy, mate" or "How are you?". This is because in the past, most Chinese folks live very difficult lifes where food is not a certainty. OK, point taken.

However, the one question that is starting to piss me off real bad is "When are you getting married?". Yes, I'm eligible. Yes, I am good looking. Yes, I'm gainfully employed and have a nice, stable job. Yes, I am compatible with your daughter, but WTF does that have to do with you ... ? Nowadays I forgo the angpow income to avoid these questions, but while you can avoid all relatives sometimes, and avoid some relatives all the time, you can't avoid all relatives all the time. And the angpow income just cannot be ignored as well ...

Which is why I've compiled my own list of Top Ten Responses to "When Your Turn to Get Married?" ... for my own reference and use la ... and maybe for you too ;-)

I hope they will help some of you who face the same dillema ... and I hope to hear from you folks too what your responses might be.

1. “Oh, as soon as I’m cured of all my STDs I’ll get in the market again.”
2. “Your daughter and I are happily living together and we see no reason to get married anytime soon.”
3. “Yeah, we want to get married too, but unfortunately, in Malaysia, same sex marriage is not legal leh, uncle. Cannot register.”
4. “Once he returns from Thailand … he hor, he’s converting himself to a she. So sweet ...” *blinks*
   
5. “Once your divorce is finalized, uncle. I can't tell you how happy I am you granted her a divorce ... thank you. I'll name our first son after you.” *shakes his hand vigorously*
   
6. “When’s your turn ha?” (For best effect, use during a funeral).
7. "Can't chose which one of your four daughters I should marry la, all oso I like. How?"
   
8. “I need to end the messy affair I'm having with your wife first. Can you do me a favor and start treating her nicely, so I can end it with her without feeling so much guilt?”
9. “You mean your daughter haven’t told you she’s pregnant with our child yet?”
10. “We wanted to, but your daughter said you say kenot woh ... must wait first ... until she finish college first ... ”

:P ... I hope you don't have to use any of these bombs, but they come in handy, don't they?

Of course, you should excersize discretion when using these la, don't just simply pick any and use. Some have better effect when picked and used at the right moment ...