Top Ten Lame Feng Shui Master Predictions for 2006

You know, every year, either at the beginning of the calendar year, or around Chinese New Year time, we get Feng Shui masters making predictions for the year. These guys either stay very safe, making predictions that are really no brainers, such as "A famous person will get married this year" (of course la ... so many famous persons), or they get totally outlandish, like "Stay away from the beach this year, will have another tsunami ...".

In the spirit of the new year, and since I'm sitting at home on medical leave, here's my Top Ten Lame Feng Shui Master Predictions for 2006 ...

1. “Oil price no more increase la …. In fact, going to decrease one, because the world oil price going down ma. Sure one, wait la, February before Chinese New Year sure go down one.”


2. “Proton will finally come up with a good quality car that is going to take the export market by storm. This car will outsell Toyotas and Hondas and in 5 years time, Proton will be the biggest car maker in the world.”


3. “This year ah, the car prices ah, sure drop one. The gahmen will drop the taxes very low one. For less than 100K, you can now buy Camry and Accord. You should buy a car only after the Chinese New Year.”


4. “The stock market will sure boom one. I predict it will go to maybe 2000 points by October one, before dropping a bit. By year-end, maybe 2050 points, I tell you. Better buy now hor …”


5. “With the strong alignment between Mars and Uranus, UMNO will have no more money politics, after all the politicians who are involved were punished and removed from their party and governments posts.”


6. “This year, all the unemployed grads will suddenly have interest in construction (which will become the latest fashionable job) and agriculture jobs, which will greatly reduce the number of foreign workers in Malaysia.”


7. “Malaysian Airlines will make a miraculous turnaround, which will see it become the premier airline in the region, and it will make a ton of profit, improve efficiency and also greatly improve its customer service.”


8. “The coming of a comet will herald a new era of peace in Iraq. And between the Israelis and Palestinians too.”


9. “This year, because of the prominence of Jupiter, the winds will blow the haze over to Singapore only. Malaysia no haze.”


10. “Due to some funny stars alignment this year, Malaysians will become considerate drivers who obey traffic laws.”