Women who makes Moz go …

I’ll leave it to you to complete the title. Be imaginative. But keep it to yourselves. Don’t have to leave me a comment about it. Really, I mean it. But do so if you wish anyways.

I had 2 rather interesting chats over the past few days which led me to this entry. One is an actual face-to-face chat. The other is a chat over the Net.

Angel, who is now on holiday in Bangkok, Thailand, is my first blog-buddy – she left me tonnes of comments and keeps the conversation going, took me to Alexis in Bangsar Shopping Complex for Tiramisu on Tuesday. And there we had a little chat.

pic ripped from -cristine-.blogspot.com

And just yesterday, Daisy, a mysterious Chinese music lover who leaves the occasional comments and humors me once in a blue moon on my blog had a rather interesting chat.

Both had one thing in common – women.

No, my mirror is not defective. And no, I think my face doesn’t morph into another face everytime I turn away from the mirror. I don’t think I look all that bad, so I don’t know why I don’t have a girlfriend now. I blame my work, but I think it’s probably something else. After all, I don’t put all that much emphasis on how a girl looks myself.

Angel asked me about the type of girl I liked. She asked me to look around the restaurant and see if there’s any girl who fits my ‘profile’.

And Daisy chatted about me and my lack of a current girlfriend.

I think both Angel and Daisy are wondering why I don’t have a girlfriend. I think, but I can’t confirm. I’m quite bad at reading women’s mind (that’s assuming daisy IS a girl – I’m positive but I can’t confirm).

So here I am, writing about me and the type of women that makes me go … [go ahead, be imaginative].

For the record, I don’t have a girlfriend currently. My mother believes I’m married to my job. Angel supports that. My friends think I love myself too much and I suspect some folks believe I’m averse to women. Again, for the record, that’s all not true. And just FYI, my last girlfriend I had was when I was working in Thailand. We broke off – rather – separated, because she didn’t want to follow me to Malaysia and I didn’t want to stay on in Thailand. We still keep in touch. I still hope we can be together, but I am realistic and practical about the situation.

I really don’t have a ‘profile’ in mind for the perfect gal. I never thought a girl should be so-and-so height, have so-and-so appearance, look like this, act like that or whatever. I’ve said that all my life. And I don’t think differently otherwise at this point in time.

Daisy thinks I’m choosy. I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe my guy-gal blogs created that impression. Don’t know. Doesn’t matter.

Since I don’t have a ‘profile’ for a girlfriend, I simply recall the previous relationships I’ve had and look for things I like in a women. I think that’s about the best I can do.

I enjoy the company of people who can keep me engaged in a conversation. The ability to talk and feed off the conversation is important to me. I think I have a wide range of conversation topics and would gladly speak at great lengths on quite a number of things. I hate that feeling where I look at someone and she looks back at me and we’re both lost for words – just like uncomfortable silence often experienced in a crowded lift. So chatty girls are in. But I’m not discounting quiet ones either. Maybe I can communicate by non-verbal means with the quieter ones. Who knows?

I love free spirits – people who don’t enjoy the confines of closed spaces. I like people who love to be out in the open. I put a hike in the hills over a shopping trip to KLCC or Mid Valley. Women who love sports nowadays are becoming a rarity, I think. Girls who golf (like my last girlfriend) gets extra brownie points. But if they can hit the golf ball further than me, maybe, just maybe, I would be a little scared.

Adventurous and unpredictable girls get many extra brownie points too. I’m a bit unpredictable myself. I could, for example, decide to drive to Ipoh because I want a shot of white coffee. I’ve driven to Genting just because I wanted fresher air. And I like girls like that. Imagine the drag of a routine – meet for lunch at a shopping complex. Then go to a movie. Then browse around looking at clothes / watches / books / shoes / whatever. Then when shopping complex closes, go to either expensive coffee house or some watering hole. Send her home. That’s so not what I want. It’s like you’re already in a 20 year old marriage when you have that sort of routine. I might grow into a routine as the relationship progresses, but not at the dating stage for sure.

A sense of humor would help immensely. One girlfriend I had (had = ex) nearly broke up with me over a joke I made about her in front of her sister. But it’s a joke – and it’s meant to be funny. I can understand she might have felt insulted or lost some face in front of her sister, but it wasn’t a mean joke I was telling, and I still think there’s nothing personal in that joke. So my radars are always on the lookout for women with humor. BTW, we eventually broke up over something I can’t remember. I just remember that Tom Hanks was involved. Heck – pass me the Gingko Biloba please, I’m getting old.

Physical appearances don’t score much. I don’t have a thing for uber-slim girls. But I don’t have a preference for any particular physical attribute – curves, cute, big-eyes, legs, long hair, fair skin, etc. – these things don’t mean anything on their own to me. There are some very generic rules – hopefully she wouldn’t be taller than me. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have "bigger bones" than me. And hopefully she’ll be younger than me. But that’s about it.

What really matters is the total package. A pretty girl with little personality won’t do. And all personality but super geeky look probably won’t cut it too. It’s difficult to put into words what I have in mind. I think you get the picture now when I say there’s no ‘profile’ I have in mind.

The closest TV personality I can think of that I think would be a close fit would be Globe Trekker’s Megan McCormick. And then if you guys watch MythBusters, there’s this girl called Kari Byron. I'm resorting to TV personalities since it's a quick way to explain what in general appeals to me. But I don't know these two women personally, so ... well, you draw your own conclusions.

In my conversation with Daisy, I told her I never really thought about what sort of girl would make the ideal girlfriend because I never really thought of girlfriend as a necessity – someone I must have to complete me or to make my life fulfilled. And like many if not most people I’ve spoken to about this, she asked why. Why?

First and foremost, I love myself. It’s unconditional. I’ll never abandon myself. I’ll always honor and respect myself. It’s a deep, abiding and lasting love. I think a lot of people don’t accept and love themselves – or at least love themselves enough. I happen to believe these are the people who believe they need someone to complete their life.

When Tom Cruise said that “You complete me” line in Jerry McGuire, as good as it sounded, it’s not true. No one completes you but yourself. A good companion complements you. A good companion walks alongside you through the journey of life. Your companion would cry with you, laugh with you, toil with you and smell the roses besides you.

I have always thought of a girlfriend (and maybe later a wife), as a companion, a best friend.

It’s a person I would care deeply about and share the best things in my life with.

I would give her first dibs on my free time.

I would speak to her always, and more importantly, listen to what she has to say.

I will share with her my ambitions and problems and let her share her ambitions and troubles with me too.

But I would respect the fact that we would still be 2 individuals with our own spaces, needs and wants. And that we still need to find our own fulfillment and still support each other.

No two persons should be together because they have to. They should be together because they want to.

But does that make me want a girlfriend? No. But make that a qualified no.

I don’t have a 3 year plan that say something like – “Moz must get girlfriend. Moz must get hitched”. Heck, I don’t even have a 10 year plan for that. I had plans like that when I was a teenager, but I really don’t have any now.

I’m not going to go out there and seek a girl because I want a girlfriend. That’s so … shallow?

I’m happy to get to know more people, guys and girls, and enlarge my circle of friends and acquaintances. I’m sure in the midst of all the mingling, there would be people whom I would like and maybe fall for. And hopefully some girls out there would like me too. And I want these people to know me and accept me too before they make up their mind.

And if I can find a girl whom I care deeply about, who has a great sense of humor, adventure and surprises me always and at the same time accepts me, I guess I found myself a girlfriend. Believe me - it’s not all that rare to find girls like that.

As for why I don’t have a girlfriend now, it’s a question that is similar to “Why did the chicken cross the road” kind of question. There’s really no answer for that. I’m really not in the market for a girl, if you know what I mean. And I think most girls don’t think of me as their type. But that’s my opinion anyways.

And there – Angel and Daisy and everyone else – my thoughts on girls and girlfriend. I hope it answers your questions to some extent. But I’m sure it’ll create more questions – that’s ok – we can talk about this till the cows come home. After all, that’s what I really enjoy – a good conversation.

Oh – an oddity. All my girlfriends so far have one thing – no, make that two things – in common. They all wear spectacles. If you’re a girl and you’re making a mental note now to remove your glasses when you next meet me … =) … you’re doing fine – I know many who do that. The second thing is that they’re all females.