Identity Crisis My FOOT !!!

Ok, those of you who have not seen an angry monster, here's your chance. I'm directing this blog to all you people out there who claim to have an "Identity Crisis" ...

I don't have a single problem with those of you who claim to be bananas - you know, yellow on the outside and all white on the inside - but I have a problem with some of you who're actually ASHAMED to be even yellow on the outside or want to be in a different shade of yellow.

I had a conversation with someone I knew from a previous job ...

Moz: Wei ... wah ... nice hair. You look a little ... Japanese?
Idiot: Yeah, too bad only the hair looks Japanese.
Moz: ???
Idiot: You know, I wish I wasn't born a Chinese. I wish I'm Japanese.
Moz: WTF ????

OK. I'm bloody proud to be a Malaysian Chinese.

First I'm a Malaysian - despite all the Boleh-land jokes, despite the inefficiencies, despite the frustrations I feel sometimes, my Malaysian identity is unshaken. I promote Malaysia when I go abroad, which is why I'm sometimes so busy hosting foreign friends. Unlike some people who say nasty things about Malaysia to foreigners, I do the opposite - I say nice things - I tell them about the forests, the cultural diversity, the food, the islands, the people and the other attractions.

True, I do tell people about the traffice problem we face, but who doesn't? I do discuss our shortcomings, but which country doesn't have problems to overcome anyways? I love Malaysia all the same. I'm a Malaysian all the same. And damn proud too.

Second, by bloodline, I'm Chinese. And bloody proud as well.

What's not to be proud of being a member of the longest surviving civilization in the world? Aren't you proud someone of your ehtnic background invented paper, printing press, the compass, an earthquake detector, gunpowder, the abacus and countless inventions that have since left an indelible print on the global population at large?

Aren't you proud to be from the same group of people who thousands of years ago, created accupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine?

Remember Feng Shui? Or that the Chinese were a driving force in trading in the past centuries and will again be a major global economic force?

Enough of all that. Even if I were from an ethnic group that had none of these 'achievements' - why should I want to be someone else? I'll still want to be who I am.

You can pretend. You can put on that wig, fashion your hair in a particular way, dress up with a certain look. But you sure ain't fooling yourself. You are who you are.

Due to the upbringing some of us Malaysian Chinese had, some of us can't speak and/or write Chinese. That's fine. We still carry our Chinese names. And many nowadays make an effort to learn up the language, with an eye on China becoming the next global trading giant.

Hell, I'm was a banana due to my upbringing ... I went to a National School, thus never really learnt my Chinese. However, providence had it that I would end up with many friends from Chinese Schools in my college days. That followed by me working in Taiwan for a year and now working with many people from China, Hong Kong and Taiwan too.

Guess how I learnt my Chinese? I memorize song lyrics, then I wrote down those lyrics on leftover excersice books from my secondary school days. I still have those to show. I still can't really read everything off a newspaper yet, but I can hold my own conversation in Taiwan and China, and I can read most of the road signs there.

Learning chinese opened my eyes to the rich culture and history my ancestors originated from. It enriched my understanding of my own identity. I can read the rich chinese literatures such as Journey to the West, Dream of Red Mansion and Water Margin, albeit with some difficulty, in the original language. The nuances in these rich books are lost in translation ...

This same friend, in the same conversation ...

Idiot: You know, next time, don't call me by my Chinese Name anymore
Moz: ??? What to call you then? Surely I still need to call you Abraham Tee* (not his real name)
Idiot: No. Don't use that name. I'm not Akahashi Talaotak (or some funny Japanese name)
Moz: WTF??!! This is so not funny ... is this your new image or what ... ?
Idiot: No. Even my parents have to call me that, otherwise I'm not responding ...

Your parents might as well disown you. It's one thing to be a banana, sometimes it's not even your fault. It's another thing to want to be a Japanese, Korean, American, whatever .... you can't lie to yourself. And let me ask you anyways, have you ever been to Japan? And lived the life they live? Do you have any idea what you're buying into anyways?

It's always greener on the other side, stupid !

You just don't see that it's not an identity crisis you're having, don't you? You have a problem bigger than that ... you literally turned your back on who you are.

* I apologize to anyone who might feel offended by this entry - the intention here is not to criticise anyone who considers themselves to be 'banana'. The intention here is to criticise those who don't even want to admit their Chinese or Asian heritage*