Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts

19 March 2008

Top Ten New Cabinet Surprises

Well, in the aftermath of a historic General Elections, the new Malaysian cabinet was revealed earlier yesterday. Besides the expected down sizing, there were a few obvious surprises. However, not many media pundit pointed out the real surprises.

So, as a community service to Malaysians at large, I'm going to point out the Top Ten New Cabinet Surprises :

  • What? Only 2 Finance Ministers?
  • No Special Adviser with Full Ministerial ranking to advise on how to stay awake ? Disappointing !
  • Many were relieved to hear that Mawi wasn't appointed as Minister to boost popularity amongst young voters.
  • How the PM steadfastly refused to rename the Energy, Water and Communications Ministry as the Earth, Wind and Fire Ministry despite impassioned pleas from the other cabinet members.
  • Samy's toupee wasn't appointed even as a deputy minister ! How can ??!??
  • To try and connect with younger voters, the PM now starts each sentence with : "Yo, Dawg !"
  • In yet another effort to appeal to younger voters, a new cabinet post is created to look for all the missing Edison Chen photos.
  • What happened to the Minister in the PM Department In-Charge of Searching for Hidden Cameras?
  • To keep BN relevant, Malaysians will vote out a cabinet member each week ... opps ... that's American Idol. Wrong channel ... :P
  • Where's Kementerian Mat Rempit ?

So, there you go people ... the Top Ten New Cabinet Surprises ! Now, let's sit back, relax and see how the country either fall apart spectacularly or improves dramatically in the next few years !

27 February 2007

Top Ten Signs Your Doctor is Fake

Did you guys see one of the headlines on The Star today? Why doesn't it surprise me to find fake doctors around?

It's freaky, isn't it?

So you're feeling sick. Unwell. You have something in you that's making you feel terrible. You've tried panadols, you've had over the counter medication. You even tried the old wives recipe your mum told you. And still, you ain't feeling any better. So what do you do?

You dig up your company's group insurance card, if you work for a company that actually cares about your welfare. Or you withdraw the last of your savings. You'll need it ... because you're about to see a doctor !

But how in heaven would you be able to tell between a real and a fake doctor ? Here, hopefully, are some Top Ten Signs Your Doctor is Fake that you can use ...

  • When you look closely at the certs on his wall, it says: "World's Greatest Foot Masseur" and "Sijil Pemandu Bertauliah"
  • Checks for heartbeat by putting his stethoscope on your knees.
  • "Nurse Fatimah" looks suspiciously like the doctor himself in a wig !
  • He fainted when he saw the blood while collecting a blood sample from you.
  • When you told the doctor you had a bad case of diarhhea, he asks you to show him where you have the diarhhea.
  • To see if you really have a fever, he asks you to hold a thermometer inside your nose for 3 minutes.
  • When you went to collect your urine test results, he told you that your urine was too salty, and that it tasted a little funny to him.
  • For your cough, he's prescribing you two packs of Fisherman's Friend.
  • Checks your symptoms by referring to episodes of "House M.D" and "Grey's Anatomy"
  • You thought he was writing a prescription. He was really making this Top Ten List !!!

I hope with these signs, you can tell a real doctor from a fake one .... LOL ...

06 January 2007

Mozzie's Angels: Melaka


On the 2nd day of 2007, Mozzie gathered his Angels for an important mission. If you want to know what that mission is, then you can read the full mission descriptiong here.


Mozzie's Angels is a group of very, very, very lenglui & dedicated secret agents who help the country during times of extreme difficulties, when there are great problems. To protect their secret agent identities, we can't show their face. I'm sure you understand.

Here's the official picture of the Mozzie's Angels.

The leader of the Angels is Angeliu. She is a master in the art of camouflage. See? Even ini this picture she is half hidden.


The next member of the Angels is Winn. Winn has special powers, which enables her to do impossible things. Among the impossible task she carried out successfully includes navigating Moz to Melaka, training the nano bear to take over as navigator when she falls asleep, and motivating Moz when he is lost by saying "Are we there yet?". In this picture, Winn is moving the St Paul's Church so that Moz that take a better picture.


The 3rd member of the Angels is Applegal. Applegal specialises is drive by shooting and walk by shooting. In this picture, Applegal has spotted something interesting, and is shooting it.


The Angels had to complete 5 missions in Melaka, and 1 more in Kajang. And these are very tough missions ...



The mission was accomplished successfully. *burp*

18 November 2006

Top Ten Signs James Bond Is Different

It's James Bond season again. Once in a while, when a new Bond movie comes around, the whole world stops and watch.

Pierce Brosnan was a slick Bond, but he appeared more capable of talking his way out of situations than blasting the enemy to pieces. I like him, but I wanted a bit more grit. And when they announced the new Bond - Daniel Craig ... I thought ... Daniel who ? But from the teasers, this is a gritty Bond .... I like what I'm seeing.

That said, it's probably time to break my self imposed cinema ban and step back into a movie theather. But you know, there are many movies where you realise after watching that the best bits were the ones in the trailer. So, I'll be watching closely to see if there are any differences in the new Bond movie that might render this movie limp ...

  • Because of budget cuts to the MI5, Bond now drives a mid sized Toyota sedan instead of his Aston Martin.
  • To keep up with the times, Bond now wears lots of bling blings.
  • Bond's new super duper hi-tech gadget: a handphone that also takes pictures.
  • Meeting with M now takes place in the local pub.
  • Instead of befriending supermodels and drop dead gorgeous women, he's looking for his date from Friendster and MySpace.
  • The opening scene shows Bond escaping from a shopping center after shoplifting a pack of condoms from 7-11.
  • Celebrates successful mission by buying a holiday to Bangkok from Air Asia.
  • Wants his Martini, "Ice Blended, not stirred".
  • Keeps his bosses up-to-date by keeping a blog.
  • The casino is in Genting Highlands.

26 October 2006

Are you ok ?


*puts on sad violin track* ...

Dear Panda-Under-The-Bed,

I miss you so ... by the time you read this post, I'm already missing you dearly ...

The sky is grey without you ....

The colors of the world pales in your absence ...

My heart is heavy, akin to having a boulder tied to it when I walk ...

I toss about in bed, unable to sleep with your image in my mind ...

Breakfast, lunch, dinner ... they no longer matter to me ... no food can nourish a longing heart ...

... *cuts off sad music* ...

It's obvious I don't have much to write about today ...

Just wondering what happened to the panda-under-the-bed, and it's brother, the panda-living-in-with-angeliu.

If you happen to read this post, please do leave a comment ... *tsk*

13 October 2006

The haze haze song ...

Old Mat Indon had some land,
E-aye, E-aye, Oh,
And on his land he had much trees,
E-aye, E-aye, Oh,

And a chop chop here,
And a burn burn there,
Chop here burn there,
Everywhere haze haze ...

Old Mat Indon had some land,
E-aye, E-aye, Oh,
And on his land he had much trees,
E-aye, E-aye, Oh.

Dedicated to all my friends from across the Selat Melaka

08 October 2006

Capitalizing on the haze

Kuala Lumpur: Despite the dismay and horror of many Malaysians at the annual haze from the forests fires in Indonesia, enterprising business people are taking steps to capitalize on the haze.

An enterprising photo stall owner, Mr Chiong Kaw Kaw, when met at his booth at Petaling Street, has been selling posters and postcards of the annual haze. He showed our reporters postcards of what he claims to be KLCC, the Sultan Abdul Samad Building, and other prominent KL landmarks when shrouded in haze. The reporters were unable to verify his claims that the postcards indeed were of the landmarks during the haze season because the photos are totally grey. Mr Chiong, 36, from Cheras reported that sales have been brisk. The majority of postcards are sold to foreign tourists, who are said to be enjoying the sights of the haze. Posters are usually sold to local teenagers, who claim that the haze is helping them save money because they no longer need to buy ciggarettes.

The Sepang F1 grandprix organizers are also said to be mulling a move to reschedule the grandprix to the haze season. The organizers claim that the idea would be a great way to promote the haze, which is turning into a tourist attraction. They have even come up with the catchy phrase "Race in the Haze" to sell the race. If the FIA, the world governing body for the motorsport agrees to the move, the organizers said they will be distributing eye drops and face masks to the spectators during the entire race. Race drivers are said to be supportive of the move, which could create a spectacle for spectators. Expect crashes as visibility drops, and engine blow ups due to clogged air filters.

A few ingenious tour operators in Kuantan have also started to offer Haze season promotions. Encik Bulat bin Benjol, from Etika Jerebu Sdn. Bhd., a Kuantan based tour operator told reporters here that he had noticed an increase of inquiries from foreign tourists about the haze, "So, I decided to offer them tours to see and smell the unique annual phenomenon". For around RM3,000, his company will take tourists to haze affected areas to allow them to experience the uniquely South East Asian haze for 2 days. At the end of each day, to allow them to fully appreciate the experience, they will also get a full body traditional massage in the open air. "The haze particles in the air, when exposed to the skin, will clog up the pores, and cause inflammation. This is a unique way to darken the skin ... No need to tan, which could be damaging", claims En. Bulat. His company also offers 50% refunds to customers if the haze fails to materialize.

The Tourism Malaysia in New York is also agressively promoting the haze season as a mustn't miss attraction for Visit Malaysia Year 2007. An upsurge in enquiries have been made to the representative office and also to tour operators, indicating a high level of interest. Tour operators have been asking the government if it is possible to make a request to the Indonesian government to allow more open burning, and to also extend the haze period. This will create a longer, more severe haze, which should attract more visitors and will contribute immensely to the tourism and hospitality industry. Mr Hazicus Maximus, a tour operator specializing in South East Asian eco-tourism told reporters in his Manhattan office that many Americans who live in cities with good air quality are interested in experiencing choking haze and polluted air. His tour agency has also taken advantage of the situation by selling health insurance and air purification solutions to customers.

However, not everyone is happy with the haze. Cigarette companies have reported a drastic drop in sales coinciding with the haze. Industry analyst, Mr. Asapmanyak Malapetaka, told reporters that this is likely due to the fact that many smokers can now satisfy their craving simply by breathing in. The smoke from the haze, while not as high quality or concentrated as cigarette smoke, does contain the basic toxins found in cigarette smoke. Thus, smokers who aren't highly addicted could actually get their high from the haze. Mr. Asapmanyak, however, indicated that there is an upside - once the haze is over, many people who did not smoke before the haze, might start smoking, as a result of haze withdrawal.

- reported by Moz Monster.