Streamyx: The Saga Continues

Is it me? Or is it TMnet? Everytime I have a Streamyx problem, they have to turn it into something of a Biblical proportion.

I have a Streamyx problem now. I can get connected to Streamyx. All my lights work. All my connections are good. All my settings are correct. I bypassed the splitter. I actually swapped my DSL modem with my neighbour (he has a storeroom full of those). And Streamyx still don't work.

If I try to access my blog, it takes a good 6-8 minutes before I get a Time Out message from my browser. So I reported to Streamyx.

Guess what? Nothing happened so far. My problem is still there.

The agent I spoke to over the phone yesterday night told me that it's "Still In Progress" .... how about that?

WHAT (%^*&^$ status update is that?

I expect to be told that the technician had done this, done that, tried this, tried that, tinkered with this, tweaked that and it still doesn't work, so it's Work In Progress. That would have made me happier - the fact that something is happening.

It's all about communication, isn't it? That's what I would have done - make sure I tell the aggrieved party (in this case - ME) that the techies aren't sitting idle watching WWE RAW in their quarters while you tear you hair because your Internet is DOWN.

Still In Progress doesn't tell me anything. It tells me my problem is now past the due KPI provided to me and it's nowhere close to being resolved. And no, you DON"T have a FUCKING clue how you're inconveniencing me.

My Internet is not for pure browsing pleasure. It's my gateway to working from home. With the advances in telecommunications, I can access my email and internal websites from home. And yes, with the IP Softphone, I actually can use my office extension from home too. But even with all those, I need my DAMN Internet connectivity. It's not funny when it's down for 6 days.

So I prodded my agent more. So there's a bigger problem in Puchong.

So many subscribers in Puchong face my problem. There's a failure of something big in Puchong, that's why my problem is not attended to immediately.

FUCK OFF !!! It's precisely because many people are facing the same problem that you should SOLVE IT IMMEDIATELY. When many people face the same problem - you should be working your ass off resolving that instead. What are you doing 6 days into the problem and saying it's Still In Progress???

Try working in a duopoly or in a multi choice environment. Try having a few options to just TMnet. Try giving Moz a choice.

I'll switch to your competitor in a heartbeat. I will. And you'll solve my problem in the same heartbeat - because otherwise you'll lose 'em all. 2 time already I've faced week-long down times in my short 4 months' subscription. What kind of KPI do they keep? Are they happy to just have the damn thing running in the first place?

For all the advances we've made as a nation, our mentality for poor service, which I attribute to our tidak apa attitude is the one thing that hasn't really change from the past. I'm sure my grandparents, if alive today, would instantly recognise and realise they're in Malaysia still - because they're still facing the same damn attitude.

TMnet - you are USELESS to the core. You don't know what is customer service. You're surviving today because I don't have a choice.

If you looked at mobile phone, where users have a choice, you'd notice you're NOT in #1 position. We would pay more, and we would pay for the quality. It's not saying the other options are doing such a great job anyways, but at least they do it better than YOU.

I have nothing nice to say about TMnet Streamyx. If you found this blog entry from a search engine and you're trying to get some opinion about Streamyx, here's your answer - TMnet Streamyx is a waste of your good money and time. Go get Jaring broadband. If you're a corporation, get something from Time or other vendors.

Hello? Streamyx? Can I Help You?

No one really likes to pick up the phone to call for support. Not in Malaysia anyways. And definitely not when the other side of the line is TMnet. Woe betide you if it’s your Streamyx that has a problem.

And I’m having one such problem now. You see, my $^@!&*% Streamyx isn’t working. I can connect, I can ping sites all over the world, but packets are dropping like flies after an aerial assault of Agent Orange. And it's been dropping packets since late last week.

At first, like most Men are, I thought I’d tinker around and see what the problem might be. It’s good for the ego if I can get to solve the problem, you see. But I’m not such a genius after all. And Streamyx is supposed to be a no-brainer. Once you’ve seen to it that all the configurations are correct, that all the cables are where they should be and that you really have powered on everything, there isn’t very much that is supposed to be able to go wrong.

So, after some hours of grievous harm brought about by constant hair tearing, biting my tongue and chewing off what remains of my finger nails, I decided to steel my resolve, pick up the phone and call the TMnet helpdesk.

So you dial the 1300 number. Then you wait until you get to the IVR (Interactive Voice Response system – I know, I work in this industry) … and go through menus after menus to get to where you wanted to go.

Then you get the pleasure of being serenaded by around 80 iterations of machine announcements telling you not to hang up because you are important and that you will be served shortly, you finally get around speaking to a HUMAN!!!

And then the pain starts. First they seem to rap out their name ….

“HelloMyNameIsAdaCanIHelpYou?”

You see – the trick is to say your name so fast you confuse a potential complainant. Most people who have waited since the last ice age for a human to answer would be so delighted to hear an actual person they would forget to get the name of the person they’re speaking to. And that’s good – it means the agent – opps – I mean the Customer Service Officer gets away with telling you half truths.

Smart people like me will immediately seek to slow down the conversation. And there’s a trick to all this – the speed and therefore, tone of the entire conversation will depend on the next few exchanges. It’s like shadow boxing, really.

“Er. Hi, I’m Moz. What’s your name again?”

“MyNameIsAdaCanIHelpYou?”

“Can you S-P-E-L-L your name?”

When you hear a tone of resignation in their voice, you’ve made it. You’ve made her accept you tone and pace of conversation. Play your cards properly if you want to hold on to your hard won upper hand.

“I have a problem”

“YesSirWeHaveATechnicalProblemCurrentlyInTheKlangValley. WhichCouldBeWhatYouAreExperiencing, Mr Moz”

Ok … these guys are judged by their bosses by the number of calls they can handle. They really rap their way through the conversation if you let them. I mean, if you’ve ever called the TMnet Customer Interaction Center, you’ll notice that half their agents would have made very good Kanye West backup singers if they loose their Manglish accent. Really.

Slow ‘em down. Once you have a problem that needs TMnet to look into and solve, you’re looking at millenniums before your problem will get solved. You’re in no hurry. Engage the Customer Service Officer in a conversation you’re comfortable with.

Get them to somehow admit that you have a problem that is not a larger systemic failure affecting the 600 square kilometers around you. (Hehe, sounds so Matrix, that systemix failure line…). It’s always good to have some attention instead of being lumped together as “ONE OF THOSE” problems’ file. At least they’ll give you a ticket number.

These guys, through the weeks, months and years of practice they get interacting with average Malaysians like you and me do a good job of convincing you that your problem is actually not your own problem. It’s always …

“MrMozWhereAreYouCallingFrom?”

“Kota Kinabalu”

“YesThereIsAProblemWithAccessInSabah”

“But … Sabah is so big.”

“ItsThereMrMozThereIsReallyAProblemAffectingSabah”

“Opps … I forgot, I’m born in KK but I’m really in Ipoh now”

“ThatsYourProblemThereMrMozTheresAlsoAProblemInPerakInKintaValley”

If you keep going, you’ll realize that Streamyx only works in Kepala Batas, Kedah, certain cities in South America and maybe Batam, Indonesia. You’re out of luck, buddy.

Maybe by some twist of fate you got a nice Customer Service Officer for a change and she agrees to create a ticket. Make sure you repeat the ticket number back to her to double confirm, and make her swear to a God of her choice she’s telling the truth. Check for number transpositions, for alphabets appearing in your ticket number and also for ticket numbers that sounds more like expired lottery ticket numbers. Discretion is advised. And no, tickets aren’t supposed to have numbers such as “TIADANOMBOR”, “KESTUTUP” or “0rangG1LaNaKBukaKes”.

Yay!!! A ticket number. You’d think somebody is going to finally look at your problem and work his ass off trying to make you happy by resolving it. Fat lady ain’t singin’ yet. Keep the cigars, people.

If you ask her about what happens next to the ticket, she’ll probably ask you for a fax number so that she can fax you all 6 pages of fine print accompanying the ticket number. And all the ambiguous KPIs and ETA for resolution. Make sure your toner works. All 6 pages are in size 4 Arial font.

In the meantime, the technicians are having their nice cuppa at a teh tarik establishment far away from your house. Or the server room. Or the equipment room. Point is, they’re not looking into your problem.

They have problem communicating to the Customer Service Officer, who really is more rapping than talking. And since they can’t understand a single damn thing she said, they figured they’re better off having Tongkat Ali coffee on a rainy instead. Hey, I wouldn’t disagree.

And then, everytime you call the Customer Interaction Center to ask about the status of your problem, it sounds like you've just insulted every of their family member. Their voice start to crack. There is audible tension. Adrenalin starts to course through their bloodstream.

And immediately, the Red Book of Excuses is pulled out. Yes, you may not know it, but there's a published book containing every little excuse under the sun. The technician's car broke down. The technician was attacked by a poisonous spider while trying to fix your problem. The entire server room is being powered down for a spring cleaning. The whole world's broadband providers are on strike. The world has started to spin in the opposite direction, causing your packets to stop getting to the Internet. Whatever it is, it's a problem beyond their control.

But take heart. Whatever the problem is which is affecting you, it will one day disappear. Mostly when the good folks at TMnet changes their equipment. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the old set. It’s just time to replace ‘em so that the equipment maker can report to Wall Street a nifty quarterly profit. And walla – you problem goes away with it.

Or when somebody discovers that they’ve removed your configuration last night accidentally during the Akademi Fantasia showing which distracted them.

And surprise!! The people who don’t contact you to update you about the status of your case all through the outage will suddenly call you for the first time in the decade. And asks you if the case can be closed. And for your good feedback.

Why, Hello? How Can I Help You?

Top Ten Sugar Saving Methods

It's out in the news ... there's a sugar shortage in 4 states. Now we may have to ration ... of all things ... sugar.

So now, you might just have to save on your sugar. Which isn't always such a bad thing anyways. But really, can you imagine it ?

Moz: "Eh ... mamak ... teh tarik satu, kurang manis ..."
Mamak: "Dei ... apalah lu ... teh tarik sekarang tarak gula punya la. Gula tarak cukup ..."
Moz: "^*&^*%&%&^$^$@^$%)*&@#*&^&^#$% ...

Or maybe Coke Sugarless version. Imagine the spin they'll put on it ... "No sugar! Flavor on your own ... just heat up and add sugar ..."

Well, what can we, the poor rakyat do to alleviate the sugar shortage? Here ... the Top Ten Sugar Saving Methods ...

• Stop calling you significant half with sweet names. No more Honeys or Sugar. Stick to terms like Baby or Darling.

• Ask your local mamak operator to really cut down on sugar. Half the time, those people simply tell you its kurang manis but puts the same sugar anyways.

• Start going on TV to promote the reasons for reducing the sugar subsidy, and how the money saved will actually be used to improve healthcare service ... ooops ... sounds more like way to deal with oil price increase.

• Stop listening to sugar coated boy band songs about falling in love. Now.

• Stop being sweet.

• Learn to take teh tarik and other sugar laced beverages with salt instead.

• Ask our soft drink manufacturers to finally come up with drinks that are not all sugar, all approved food flavoring and all approved food coloring. Put the real stuff in the drink, please. (Ever faced this before? You buy a dish washing liquid that says contains real lemon ... and a lemon juice that says contains permitted flavoring instead ?)
  

• What for save? Increase price of sugar and you'll suddenly see a flood of sugar in the market.
  

• Starting a bee farm is NOT very difficult ...
  

• Use Sugar-free sugar !
  

Eternal Sunshine of an Optimistic Mind ...

Q: What do you call a weekend spent at home doing NOTHING?
A: Bliss

My weekend was an empty sheet of paper, if you get the drift. I wanted to do NOTHING. And so I steeled my resolve, and switched off the mobile.

The result? A weekend of nothing but time to myself. Which is a good thing where I come from. Really. I kid you not.

Lately, the world around me had not been kind to me. Some people had bad things happen to them. I had my own little round of difficulty at work. And my busy-ness had prevented me from accepting the situation.

The long road to acceptance, more so when you're dealt with a cruel blow of fate, is sometimes long and bitter. I think there's a process - another word for a long drawn cycle in nature - that has to take place before one accepts reality.

I've always realised I wouldn't take it easy. I went through my own hell, and confronted my little demons. I was angry, I denied it for a while ... but ultimately, it's real. There's no running away from it. Now, I'm ok.

I took time to reflect on my own because being occupied with work and other worldly realities, there's really not much thought cycle I get to put into my own life. My personal situation.

It's ironic - I work so hard so that I get some $$$ to hopefully get the things I want in life. But I work so hard I think I'm not smelling the roses along the way.

Sometimes, I think we have to readjust our thoughts and actions so that they fall in line with the bigger picture. I attempted that over the weekend, and while not completely successful, I feel I've come to terms with my situation.

I feel so much better now that I've come to accept my situation. It'll be ok. Nothing cannot be overcomed. Nothing really stop us from going out to do our thing every day.

I thank the people who've sent me wishes and support. I guess for a person with as little friends as me, I can take heart that I have a lot of people whom I can count on for support.

I hope I'll be optimistic in the days, weeks, months and years to come. The best thing I can do is to live a little better.

I would like to dedicate this blog to 'someone'. You'll live on forever in my thoughts. Everyday that passes by is one day closer to us meeting again. I have no fancy way to say goodbye ... just glad I had my time with you.

Remember your promise to me - put on a sunset for me everytime you think of me. I'll hold you to that.

Yesterday evening, as I was taking a short walk near home, I saw the most outrageously gorgeous sunset peeking out from the gloomy skies. Hi. Nice to see you again =)